London Bikers Brighton Rideout

Some weeks ago someone in the forums at London Bikers suggested a ride out be organised for less experienced riders, including learners. Jim, as usual, was soon persuaded to lead, and did his usual excellent job of organising. The Stig and I were quickly on board. A ride from Box Hill to Brighton on the back lanes was planned, and large numbers of riders were signed up, including a large contingent of experienced riders of larger bikes who would act as corner markers and tail gunners.

The day dawned bright and clear is the cliché, but this really was bright and the sky was blue and almost cloudless! The Stig and I set out nice and early for the 11am rendezvous at Rykas café at the foot of Box Hill. When we got there at 10.15 others had already started to arrive and we set to having a late breakfast including Rykas’ legendary hot chocolate.



By 11 nearly twenty bikes had turned up and Jim gave a short briefing of how he expected everyone to behave, safe overtaking, looking out for people coming from behind etc, and the duties of corner men etc. It was a shame that a greater number of smaller bikes didn’t turn up. The ride was aimed at 125s and the like but in the end the only small bikes were two Vespas and a CBR 125.

Once we were all mounted up we moved out. Jim had picked an excellent route. Whilst some of the roads were potholed, and some had patches of loose gravel or dried mud in the middle of the road, most of the first section was windy country lanes, with very little other traffic. The corner marking system worked very well, with us using a third man drop off as Huskyteer on her Vespa ET4 was riding as number two to set the pace as her bike was probably the slowest and would be most affected by the poor roads.

The Stig and I rode a little way back but corner markers on faster bikes were regularly able to get back in front of us to keep up the supply of number threes to drop off. After about 40 minutes we pulled up outside a pub for a short break, and to ensure all was working well. I was very impressed, everyone seemed to be working well together, all the corners were well marked, riders of larger bikes were happily accommodating the smaller bikes and taking over corner marking whenever one of us ended up number three. And the big Hog at the back made spotting the tail a breeze!



I was very impressed with my 125, it was coping well with the surfaces, taking the corners easily, and was cruising a 40-50mph with no effort at all. The Stig was also very pleased with the comfort and handling of her X9. Not all were so happy though. One rider who had only passed her test and moved to larger bikes had a minor spill at a nasty hill start on tight junction on a gravel-covered road. Fortunately all that happened was that bike stalled and slipped from under her. Neither she nor the bike were seriously hurt, but the spill meant about a dozen bikes immediately in front and behind her stopped. Not good when the intercom and telephone links we planned immediately broke down.

I and some others went on ahead to try and link up, but things got worse when I saw someone at a corner and thought he was marking it. Instead he just wasn’t sure which way to go. Whilst I discussed the route with him, others turned up until there were four or five bikes. We settled on the most southbound route and tried to catch up with the front of the ride. By now Jim had stopped, and all the corners were marked, but he was in Cowfold, about five miles ahead of where the incident occurred. Fortunately, once the corners were marked, the bike and rider were checked over, and everyone moved off again, we soon gathered in Cowfold, and set off again.

Jim’s route took us across some lovely countryside including the meadows of the Adur Valley, before a 690 foot climb to the car park on Devil’s Dyke for a last break and a 99 (thanks Kay!) before dropping into Brighton.



The traffic in Brighton is never much fun, but we managed to get through it OK and found just enough bike parking for us all on the seafront when we arrived at just before 2pm. Some went off to do their own thing, but most of us headed straight for some shaded tables outside a seafront fish and chip restaurant. I know there is no reason for it, but fish and chips always tastes better at the seaside, and we were not disappointed.



After an hour refreshing ourselves, Kay, who had originally introduced The Stig and I to London Bikers, and Huskyteer decided to make their own way back, as they had people they had planned to meet up with, whilst the remainder of us set out to spend some time chillin’ on the beach. Some played some energetic looking Frisbee, whilst other’s paddled. Most of us just had a good rest!



At the agreed time of 4pm we met up back at the bikes, and Jim offered to lead us back to Godstone, just outside the M25, but further east than where we had started. As Huskyteer had left he needed new pace setter and Jaxster on the CBR125 agreed to do that. I confess I didn’t really want to set the pace, as I quite we enjoyed moving forward and backwards through the group, but as it turned out I spent most of the run in third or fourth place.

After a short refuelling stop, and a tiresome ride through Brighton’s traffic, a couple of chav scooterists who found themselves surrounded b your group, Jim soon had us out on the open road. This time we were mainly on better faster roads than the ride south. I was a shame there was no time to stop at Ditchling Beacon, about a hundred feet higher than Devil’s Dyke, but still the views across the Low Weald were fantastic, as the earlier haze had burned off. The 400 foot drop down the face of the hill was good fun, certainly much more fun than the congestion we found in Ditchling Village. From there it was a mainly straight run north at 40mph until we stopped in Godstone at a little before 6pm. There followed the inevitable long discussion about how to get to the Ace Café. It seems compulsory that any discussion involving London Bikers about how to get from or to anywhere has to involve the Ace Café!



I suggested that as The Stig and I would be riding up the A217 from Reigate to Sutton the others that wanted to go to the Ace could peel off at Burgh Heath and follow the signs to Kingston. The consensus appeared to be that I should lead through Redhill and Reigate. Jaxster and The Stig stayed with me, but somehow I managed to lose sight of all the faster bikes, despite riding strictly to the speed limit. I would have though at least one London Biker would have caught me up! To be honest I wasn’t that bothered as I knew Jim would be familiar with the route. The Stig, Jaxster and myself pulled over just after passing through Reigate, I thought it best to get reorganised before we crossed the M25.

We rode on through Kingswood and to Burgh Heath. Jim and the others split off towards Kingston, and The Stig and I set off for home and got in the door just in time for Dr Who!

I would like to give special thanks to Jim for organising the route and doing his usual excellent lead. Rocketman and Elad for holding the line at the back, Alice and Jaxster for setting the pace, and everyone else for some excellent corner marking deserve special mention. The Stig and I had a really good time, and I hope everyone else did also. I know The Stig and I would we well up for similar rides in the future, I just hope we are so lucky with the weather next time!


More pictures are available in this Gallery.

Chronically Bad Trainee

The day dawned bright but cold. I rode over and completed the paperwork. The CBT took the same course as before with minor changes – first there was the safety and legal requirements lecture, then it was out in the car park for a guide to the bike and then the riding it round the cones.

That was where it all went horribly wrong! Despite driving a geared car for twenty years, I found it impossibly difficult to properly control the CG125 I was given to ride. Whatever I did I could not find the bite point for the clutch, and despite listening to the engine; I found it very difficult to gauge when to change gear.

I was clearly having far more difficulty than the complete novices. I can only put it down to being used to constantly variable transmission, I was even finding it difficult to control the revs of the bike – possibly because on a CVT bike, the transmission system means the revs don’t change much at all. I am also glad it wasn't wet as I am not convinced that I ever used the rear brake other then when doing hill starts!

By now the sun was high in the sky and it was getting very hot. I was melting in my jacket and was very grateful for a break for lunch. I had never visited it before, but was very impressed with the burger and sandwich joint on the edge of Wimbledon Stadium and would recommend it for good value tasty fresh food.

After lunch we had the on-road safety lecture, and having passed the theory, Ray the instructor for this bit ended up asking me not to offer answers to the questions, as I obviously knew all the answers! None of the other students had taken their theory, despite two of them owning and admitting riding their 500 and 600cc motorcycles for many years!

After this each of the two instructors took two students on the road for two hours. Three others and I were left to our own devices. To be honest, I was a bit surprised they intended taking me on the road as I didn’t feel I had got good enough at controlling the clutch and throttle – but they are the experts! I used the time popping home on my Vespa to get a cooler jacket, and then stood around with the others in the sun getting accidentally sunburned!

Eventually the other instructor, Richard, took me out with one of the other students who we will call Chris. We went up through Wimbledon Village and back down through Raynes Park with Chris and myself taking it in turns to lead. It was much better getting practice controlling the bike on the road, and on familiar roads at that, but I really still did not have the clutch right and was regularly stalling the bike. We rode round parts of Raynes Park and Lower Morden and ended up near New Malden. Richard then realised that one of the CG125’s was hired from a shop in East Hill Wandsworth and needed to be back before they closed. Richard checked were both happy to go down the A3. If I had known how gutless a CG125 was, I might have been less happy! It struggled to do more than an indicated 50mph making it much slower, and certainly much more less willing to accelerate than my Vespa. However, I was able to practice overtaking.

We successfully negotiated the Wandsworth one-way system and dropped the bike off. Richard had obviously decided that I need more practice than Chris so put him on the pillion and I followed him down Trinity Road back to Wimbledon Stadium.

One might think that this extensive ride round South West London means I must have been doing something right, but my throttle and clutch coordination was still terrible, pull aways and gear changes were rarely smooth, and stalling was still a problem and the occasional unintended wheelie was worrying!

When we got back I was given a new CBT certificate as was Chris, and had the chance to talk to Richard about where I was heading. His view was that my riding was OK and that on my automatic he would expect me to need no more than a day-and-a-half training to pass. But if I wanted to pass on a geared bike, then I needed to lock my Vespa away and get a geared bike and do nothing but ride it for a few weeks to improve my clutch and throttle control. Richard has given me a difficult choice as I want to pass my test, and I don’t really have the time to spend riding a geared bike to improve my control.

As for Richard – I must say, this man has the patience of a saint. He was always professional and helpful, and always showed good humour and never fell into the trap of denigrating students who were having problems. Both Richard and Ray are a credit to Elite Motorcycle Training and I would recommend them.

Theoretically Testing

Last summer I had every intention of passing my full motorcycle test. Current law makes getting a full motorcycle classification on your license almost as complicated as possible. Only almost, because next year they are going to make it even more difficult!

Firstly, before you can ride a motorcycle you need to undergo a day’s compulsory basic training carried out by a licensed company. I went through this in October 2005 when I picked up my Vespa.

Then you need to pass a combined theory and hazard perception test carried out on a computer at a designated test centre.

Finally, you need to pass a practical on-road test within two years of you undertaking the CBT and passing the theory test or you have to start again at the beginning.

I originally intended to take the theory and practical last summer, but after buying various training books and CDs work took over and I didn’t have the time to get them done before the summer was over and things got far to hectic to concentrate.

This spring I finally had the chance to think about it again. I booked my theory, and was disappointed to find this would involve waiting nearly four weeks for the first available slot. I had done some hazard perception practice last summer, but discovered my theory book and CD were now out of date as the questions had been reviewed and updated.

So after spending a further wad of cash I had updated products, and set a few days aside for practice. It all paid off on Tuesday when I went to the Kingston-upon-Thames test centre and passed the test. The staff were very friendly and professional, and the whole thing involved no stressful waiting around. It was all a very positive experience and I am pleased to say I had a creditable score, well above the pass marks.

After the test I popped in to see Jim. I knew he was after a set of practice disks for his son who has a less than perfect record at passing the theory test. He was very grateful for the disks and official question book and showed his usual generosity by offering me tea, and cash!

When I got home that afternoon I rang Elite Motorcycle Training who had been recommended to me to discuss options for the next stage in getting a full license. As I wanted to take my test on a geared bike, and have not ridden one except for a few days over quarter of a century ago, they suggested the best thing was to retake my CBT on a hired geared bike and that at the end of the day my instructor would be able to advise me on what else I needed to do to pass the test in the way of training and practice. The fee for the CBT would be knocked off the final price for the training.

When I rang back to confirm the booking they told me they had a cancellation for Maundy Thursday – all I need do was turn up at Wimbledon Greyhound Stadium at 8.45.

National Bad Driving Day?

What was up with everyone today?

There was the minor stuff like the stop start car in the stop start traffic in Colliers Wood who thought no-one could see him continually looking down to text on his mobile. There was the usual stuff like the idiot cyclist who came across the lights on Victoria Embankment just as The Stig, a Taxi and myself came out on a green light. There was some dreadful motorcycling, like the two bikes who just had to get past the slow moving car on Albert Embankment by diving into the gap between it and a bus when they had to only wait two seconds to legally and safely overtake on the right. But what took the biscuit was the stupidly dangerous driving I saw today.

On the way home I was nearly killed by a man in a small hatchback who decided to pull out in front of me on the A3 as the Roehampton ASDA. There was plenty of space to pull out behind me, but this driver had to get out and overtake the other hatchback in front of it regardless of the consequences. He therefore dived out of the accelerator lane and tried to overtake the car in front only to find that the car in front was pulling in front of him. The two got in a mess avoiding one another and the result was I in turn had to take evasive action. It could have been much worse, but at least no-one was hurt!

The same can't be sad of what I saw in the morning. The Stig and I were riding up the A3 through Stockwell when we saw a Burger with Italian plate taken out by a silver grey car. The first I saw of this was as I rounded the left of a white van turning right. I checked it was safe to pass, and looked forward to see the Burgman, flying at right angles across the road. The bonnet of the car that hit him was sticking out of the stream of the queue of traffic. It appeared to be trying an unannounced U-Turn and hit the Burger without crossing the centre line. The Burger was only doing 10-15mph at the time and the queue of traffic was stationary.

Fortunately the rider seemed to not be badly hurt as he got straight up and didn't appear to be in particular pain or distress. The Stig and I didn't stop as we didn't have a very clear view of what happened as there was a pack of scooters between us and the incident, and the pack had stopped to assist, as had several car and van drivers, and a wagon full of Police!

Today there was a lot of talk about how dangerous bikes are and how they should be fitted with speed limiters to make them safer. Maybe they should put limiters in cars so they can't do U-Turns without signalling?

Mysterons SC Toy Run

One of the joys of riding any type of powered two-wheeler is the instant camaraderie of fellow riders. Any shared interest at all and everyone becomes your life-long friend. Another fine aspect is the genuine desire many riders have to mix having fun with helping good causes.

Jim from the X9 Owners had announced that the Mysterons Scooter Club, based in Teddington, would be having a charity run on 25 March from Carnaby Street to the Shooting Star Children's Hospice in Hampton. I know the hospice because my parents live about 100 yards away.



Although the run, aimed at delivering toys and cash had taken place in previous years, this year was the first time this hospice was to benefit. The run is mainly by old school scooterists riding customised Lambrettas and Vespas, but the X9ers had always been welcome. The Stig had a prior engagement, but I agreed to carry both our gifts and arranged to meet up with the X9ers near Cleopatra's Needle early on the day. Too early as it turned out - I can do without them pushing the clocks forward the night before a day like this!

Anyway, the weather started grey and damp, but the roads were clear and I got the meeting point ahead of the others. About ten minutes later I was joined by Mike and John, and the others soon piled into the not quite big enough bike bay we had chosen. Then there was the long wait for Jim!






Once we were all there we rode off to Carnaby Street to meet up with over 100 other scooters. I really can say of all shapes and sizes, what with MP3s and miniscule 60's machines. My modern Vespa looked a little out of place, but was not unique. The custom seat cover allows it to hide amongst the other GTs with Chelsea FC and Beck's Beer custom paint jobs!





After an hour looking at the bikes, chatting and persuading the traffic wardens not to book people setting out on a charity run, we all set off.



I had been warned that all the old scooters would mean we would be riding in a blue haze of burnt two-stroke oil - and that was no exaggeration, but it was good fun riding amongst a group of about 120 scooters. We quickly got out onto Oxford Street, but then tended to get broken up by the lights. By Hyde Park Corner I was on my own. A group had gone up ahead, and everyone else had dropped back. Fortunately, the marshalling worked reasonably well. Although it was not possible to keep the roads clear, the marshals marked all the corners so it was easy to follow the route (which was completely different to the one handed out before the event!)

I caught up with the leading group just before Olympia, and rode with them, and a few X9ers who had caught up, through Hammersmith and over Chiswick Bridge. The weather had started none to impressive, but by now was warm, dry and bright. After passing through Richmond, the lead group turned off just before Teddington Bridge and stopped in the large car park opposite Old Deer Park. Over the next twenty minutes or so the stragglers came in until all the scooters were parked up ready for the final stage.



Now this was the best bit. With everyone riding together, the marshals managed to hold up the traffic on all the roundabouts and junctions so that one large body of bikes progressed together down the road enveloped in its blue haze. In London it is very easy to develop a low opinion of other road users, but whilst there were some exceptions, most of the drivers of help up vehicles were smiling and waving as we rode past. However, we were probably the most exciting thing to happen in Whitton so far this century!

After some humped back roads, we rode past the hospice and parked up outside a local church hall. Light refreshments were available, and a huge number of raffle prizes were disposed of in what seemed like the world's longest raffle! Of course I didn't win anything. I don't know how much was raised, but there was a pile of toys, and plenty of heavy sounding charity collection buckets by the time the day was over.



Overall the event was well organised. A lot of effort had clearly gone into trying to make things run smoothly, and in getting hold of some excellent raffle prizes. The only gripe I have heard from others who attended was that they never got to visit the hospice, or even were aware they had ridden past it. However, this is minor and will not stop them riding again next year. I am looking forward to the next similar event I can go on!

A slideshow has been put up by the South London Revival Scooter Club and a video of ride setting off from Carnaby Street can be seen on YouTube.

Update

The idiot on the blue X9 (LF04??? - I have the full number) is at it again. This morning he cut me up from the left leaving me about four inches of space as he passed me at speed from the left in crowded traffic at Clapham South. This person certainly needs some professional help!

On the "They Know Not What They Do" point - I have seen some more interesting driver activity. The most impressive was the car the Stig and I pulled alongside at the level crossing a the junction of West Barnes Lane and Burlington Road just off the A3 at New Malden.

I thought he had one of those stupid CD players where the screen sits over your radio, then I realised, this was no movie, this was 6.10pm in the evening, and this was the BBC news! The cretin was driving a car whilst watching TV!

Why the hurry?

The Stig and I were coming up past Tooting Bec station this morning at 8.40. As usual, there was a long queue, mainly of buses, vans, lorries and 4x4s. We know from long experience that plenty of pedestrians choose to run out into the road without looking here, plus there are several side turnings that cars turn into and out of without signalling.

The Stig was in front giving herself plenty of space and time as she filtered past this traffic. As she passed a bus it slowed just as it approached a side turning. She sensibly slowed down. I was a little way back as I had stopped to avoid hitting a pedestrian that stepped out between two vehicles, between us was another blue X9.

He shouted out an aggressive stream of abuse at the Stig because she wasn't moving fast enough for him. It was totally uncalled for. I couldn't see anything the Stig was doing that wasn't common sense. Of course, once he could he shot past the Stig, cut up a car and then swerved his way through the traffic until he was out of view.

Now the Stig is an experienced rider who has had a full licence for nearly a quarter of a century. She has an excellent safety record and has ridden bikes of all sizes from 100 to 1000cc and has trained as an instructor. She is a firm believer that having set out on a journey, it is much preferable to actually arrive!

The behaviour of this other X9 rider was deplorable, and I sincerely hope they read this and feel utterly ashamed of themselves! Maybe if they had seen Kay taken out by a pedestrian as the Stig and I have they might understand defensive riding!

Grease is the word!

This morning was not much fun. The weather was cold, the weather was windy and there was an icy drizzle all the way to work. Fortunately the traffic was light, and the heated handlebar grips made things bearable, but a lot of concentration was called for.

On almost arriving at work I turned out of Savoy Lane into Savoy Hill and it felt like I had a rear flat. The back end was snaking uncontrollably. With luck I didn't go over, but mainly because there are a lot of white vans speeding the other way most mornings so I always take that corner with care. I slowed and put my feet down to steady myself, only to discover my feet had no grip either! By this time I was alongside the bike bay in Savoy Hill so I parked up to assess the situation. A short exploration found the road back and forward for some tens of yards was covered with black oil, which on black, wet, tarmac was invisible. The oil also covered the pedestrian pavements. I got the phone out to call 999 to report the dangerous road surface, and whilst I did so, a pedestrian and a cyclist hit the deck! The Police said they would send someone to cover the spill - I did warn them that this was going to need more than a bucket of sand!

My office was only about 300 yards away so I decided to sacrifice secure underground parking, for a spot were I didn't need to ride on oil any longer! I apologise for my less than perfect parking, which took up far too much room in what at the time was an almost empty bay - but I could barely stand on the surface, never mind manoeuvre the bike!

That was at 9am. An hour later at work a colleague said he had almost come off on the same corner. There was sand down, but the surface was still unrideable. I got him to 999 it, whilst I rang Westminster and told them they needed to clean up PDQ before someone was injured.

Just after noon the Stig and I went to lunch nearby and I checked on my bike. There was one of these, and several empty drums of heavy duty degreaser.



A worker was drawing up water from a hydrant and was testing the surface as he went. I thanked him for cleaning up, but he didn't seem to appreciate my gratitude. I would have thought thanks were pretty thin doing that job!

When I left the office just before five the surface was dry, and there was no sign of any oil. If it rains overnight I probably won't be going that way just in case!

Mitcham

Mitcham's not my favourite place, and to be honest, I am not sure why I went there today, but hey, it was all a bit surreal.

My ride started with a shopping trip into Sutton. Got what I wanted, and thought that as the weather was pretty good I would pop down to Burgh Heath and surprise the Stig. After we had lunch I set off home, but the A217 doesn't make that easy. From where we met you can't go North, and are forced south for about mile to the next roundabout. As the day was so good I decided to turn of the main road and double back through Kingswood and Banstead as that would be more fun. Instead of turning off I followed the road through Chipstead Bottom.

When I got to Coulsden I decided to head towards Croydon. My new job may require visits to offices there and I thought it would be worth checking out the layout as I rarely visit Croydon these days. Getting to Croydon was no trouble, but once there I found the maze of bus only and tram only roads took me away from where I wanted to be and heading for Streatham. I gave up heading to the office after several changes of course were thwarted by the road layout and instead head off towards home.

As I left Croydon I spotted a couple of fire engines up ahead. No smoke, but there were a load of firemen, a lot of water on the road, and an old building with an ancient faded advert painted on the side. It covered the whole of the side of the kebab shop where there obviously had been a fire, and said "Bryant and May matches - the smokers choice"!

From there I cut through the back streets towards Mitcham to find my way home. As I passed through Mitcham town centre, glad that so far no chav had thrown anything at me like last time I passed through, when an an old green hatchback parked by the side of the road suddenly pulled out without indicating. I took evasive action as he took off like a rocket with his engine screaming. Following at my own pace he soon disappeared from view, but I expected to catch up with him as I got to the next set of lights. When I got there I was surprised to find that he had smacked into the back of a white van!

Already the van driver and the hatchback driver were out of their vehicles. I was about to pull over and tell the van driver that although I didn't see the accident, I could give evidence that the perp had been driving fast and recklessly immediately before the accident. I soon changed my mind when he started beating the shit out of the perp - I really didn't want to break up the fight just to tell him how justified he was! Instead I kept on going, but about half a mile on I turned round. I decided they might have calmed down by now - instead when I got there both vehicles had disappeared, leaving no evidence of the crash. I didn't imagine it - they were there!

The slippery slope!

I have come to the conclusion that heated grips are like crack - it has not been that cold since they were fitted, certainly not cold enough to cause discompfort. But warm hands is so addictive the heated grips get switched on for every journey!

Talking of slippery slopes, I was very disapointed to hear that Westminster are going to charge for motorcycle parking. I am lucky to have free secure parking underneath my place of work, and only 200 yards from Trafalgar Square, but even I sometimes like to travel to other parts of the Borough.

Westminster claim it is due to over demand - they want to help us poor bikers with more spaces (although not enough) and more security (which will only serve to make using all the available space more difficult). Anyone whi visits central London can see that car parking spaces are rarely full, but the bike parks are packed. Apparently it costs £10,000 to convert once space to motorcycle use - rubbish! Just allow motorclists to use unoccupied car spaces for free like some other boroughs. That can't cost 50p!

Heated grips may be like crack, but the addiction is not as strong as the addiction London Boroughs have to stealing every penny they can from everyone who uses any sort of vehicle. Westminster is even looking at charging cyclists to leave their bikes on the street! Eventually they will charge pedestrians for walking on the pavement, and charge double if you tread on the cracks!

I am sure there will be protests, but if Westminster actually enforce this, I will simply boycott all Westminster businesses. If they want my money, they can whistle!

Back to Work

Today was the first day back after the Christmas and New Year break. Let’s skip over work – that wasn’t any fun, but the riding was great!

Despite some terrible weather over the last few weeks this morning was clear and bright, and even this evening, the little bit of drizzle was too light to affect the conditions. Riding was a joy. Although the traffic has been light and getting lighter since the first week of December, the fog and rain made it difficult to enjoy the clear roads. However, today’s commuting was almost unimpeded by cars, bliss! No doubt the traffic will build up over the week, but I will enjoy it whilst I can!

Another joy today was the present I bought with some Christmas money. Hein Gericke in Stockwell were selling Oxford Hot Grips for only £29.99. With the right gear I have always s been warm and dry on the bike, but two fingers on my right hand have always been prone to getting painfully cold, even when wearing three pairs of gloves.


At that price I had to get the grips once my local dealer, Ewell Scooter Centre, told me he would fit them for £25 if done alongside the 12,000km service booked for Friday. On Thursday I rode up to Stockwell on deserted roads to get the grips, and on Friday Ewell Scooters did a great job, as usual.

Due to illness over the weekend this morning’s start (4 Celsius) was the first test of the heated grips. They definitely work! My hands were very comfortable for the whole journey, even though I was not wearing my thickest gloves and the heated bars were only on a very low setting. I see Oxford have brought out a new version with more elegant controls, but even if they are the older type, snap them up if you can get them at the lower price. If you do any regular riding in cold weather, you won't regret it!

For they know not what they do! 2

This morning, after a fairly clear run through Balham and Clapham High Street there was the usual jam outside Clapham North Tube. Cars and vans sat waiting to cross the box junction (someone must be reading this blog!) and join the queue running down to Stockwell on the other side.

As I got there a Porsche moved across the box junction as a space appeared. I could see there was room for me as well, so carefully followed him. I then noticed something strange was going on in that car. The driver was holding a piece of A4 paper in his left hand, and something else was going on.

I have mentioned before how riding gives such a good view of what drivers get up to. In this case, as I followed him I could see he was crossing a busy box junction, about to join the tail of a queue, surrounded by bikes and bicycles, with a printout of a spreadsheet in his left hand, and he was annotating it with a pencil in his right hand!

As he got to the other side of the junction, I pulled up alongside him, looked down at him and shouted “You stupid Wanker!” He looked up, and the look in his eyes! I thought he was going to die! That is one of the great things about wearing a Hein Gericke jacket that looks like this –




Everyone thinks you are Plod!

The Sirens’ Call

Does anyone read paragraph 194 of the Highway Code?

Emergency vehicles. You should look and listen for ambulances, fire engines, police or other emergency vehicles using flashing blue, red or green lights, headlights or sirens. When one approaches do not panic. Consider the route of the emergency vehicle and take appropriate action to let it pass. If necessary, pull to the side of the road and stop, but do not endanger other road users.

I end up applying this bit of the Highway Code nearly every day as a day without emergency vehicle avoidance training is rare. However, I am amazed at how poorly other road users behave when they see the lights or hear the siren - maybe there are just not enough questions in the standard written test? Maybe people in London now see and hear so many emergency vehicles they are inured to them? Or is it just that they are stupid, have no idea what the code says, panic, and don’t give a damn anyway?

Today I came across more than my fair share of blue lights. A Paramedic in a car passed as I was on Clapham Common South Side approaching Clapham Common Station. It was heading towards a Vespa ET who was off at Stockwell. [I didn’t see the rider when I got there as there was also an ambulance in attendance and they were presumably being attended to in the vehicle. The bike didn’t look badly damaged so hopefully this was fairly minor.] The paramedic did the good old “let’s drive down the wrong side of the road and cut in just before the traffic island” trick and I had moved well over in front of the other vehicles at the lights to let this happen. All so good so far.

When I got to the point outside Waterloo Station exactly where “Kay” was taken out by a pedestrian I heard an ambulance coming up behind me. I slowed right down and pulled to the left. I didn’t stop but made sure that by sitting on the edge of the bus lane there was plenty of room for the ambulance to pass. Imagine my surprise when pulling up alongside me was a black Jaguar! The Ambulance I had so carefully left space for was left with nowhere to go. It was forced to cross the road, risking the lives of the pedestrians who run out in to the road along that stretch, and squeeze past on the opposite side! I think it was only when the ambulance passed that the cager realised why I had slowed down!

This sort of ignorant thoughtless behaviour is so common of all road users. I see cars simply stop and block the road, cars that pull over without looking who is behind them or to their left. I see cars that insist on turning right because the traffic lights say they can even if it means forcing an emergency vehicle to stop. I have seen pedestrians simply walk out in front of ambulances with lights flashing and sirens blaring forcing them to stop or take evasive action. I have seen scooters sitting at junctions blocking ambulances, I have seen sports bike riders trying to overtake ambulances and nearly being taken out as the ambulance swerves to negotiate other traffic.

I remember once seeing a fire engine reversing into the fire station on the Albert Embankment at the end of a shout. It blocked all four lanes as it did so and the cars and bikes waited patiently for it to finish its manoeuvre. A cyclist then comes along, can’t get past so goes up on the pavement, he then proceeds to gesture and shout at the driver of the fire engine clearly inconvenienced by his minor detour. I can tell you, he got a bit of shouting an gesticulation from me as he went past!

About a year ago I was approaching Tooting when I saw the lights of an ambulance in my mirror. I was nearly at the junction where I guessed it would want to turn left to St George’s Hospital. I stopped well short of the junction so the ambulance could round me and turn left. The cars did the same. Then, with the ambulance 100 yards behind, a Spandex Wally who had already cut me up at two previous junctions caught up. He decided to do the old, “I am a cyclist, I am immune from the law, the Angel of Death can’t get me, I will just move out across the junction during the pedestrian cycle and wait the for the light to change [which I won’t see as I will be too far forward]!

Regrettably, when the ambulance passed me on my right and turned left to pass across in front of me and right over the point where the cyclist was, it saw him in time and stopped. Lights flashing and siren blaring, he stopped, and he waited. He waited and he waited. The cyclist just hung about, making no attempt to move out of the way of the ambulance so it could get to the hospital 200 yards away.

Eventually, a car queuing from the left made enough room by moving forward on the junction so the ambulance could pass the cyclist and drive down the other side of the road to get round him. Of course, by this time the lights had changed and the cyclist wanted to move on and was not happy that an emergency vehicle was blocking his path! What a Prat! And they wonder why they are so despised!

Anyway, enough of the past crimes of cyclists. On the way home today I was passing through the Tibbet’s Corner underpass on the A3 when police vehicle appeared in my mirror, lights and siren, it was going like the clappers. I was in the right-hand lane about to overtake the Stig and a car. I wasn’t going to get through in time and had few options. Slowing would only make it more difficult for the police not to hit me. I could pull to the right and hope the police passed between me and the Stig, but I tried that once before on the Albert Embankment, and despite being on an emergency call, the police pulled over to give me a ticking off for pulling not going to the left and probably colliding with a taxi!

Accelerating was not going to work, the bike is a 125 after all and I was doing well above the 40mph speed limit here and by this time we were coming out of the dip of the subway. In the end I gambled on the Stig having the sense to leave a space, and on the car in front just continuing and not trying to brake or pull over or anything stupid. It was a gamble, I didn’t feel I had a truly safe option, which I didn’t like, but fortunately the Stig was able to leave me enough space, and the police sped past into the dark.

Watch Out, Watch Out, There’s a Pedestrian About!

I have long believed that if I am taken out on London’s roads it won’t be a Chelsea Tractor driven by an idiot chatting on his or her mobile, it won’t be a spandex wally crossing at red, it will be a pedestrian stepping out without looking.

It is something that haunts me and I am always very careful assuming that every bus, every lorry, every people carrier and every Chelsea tractor hides that pedestrian waiting to jump out and try and kill me. Today I saw it happen to someone else.

The Stig and I were riding to work aiming for Waterloo Bridge. We were waiting at the lights outside Waterloo Station when I saw a pedestrian running out from between two buses that had stopped at the bus stop. Coming the other was a motorcyclist carefully passing the buses at about ten miles an hour. We will call the biker “Kay”. She had no chance. The pedestrian took no time to look and just ran straight into her. Kay went straight to the ground with the pedestrian falling on top of her.

The Stig and I immediately stopped and ran over to help. A pedestrian also came over to assist. The perp and the other pedestrian were checking Kay was OK but she was clearly in pain. I asked her what the problem was and she said her ankle hurt. It also looked like she may have hit her head on the ground when she went over. I asked if anyone had a mobile to hand. Mine was switched off under the seat of my bike. So was the Stig’s. Fortunately the bus driver waiting patiently behind our bikes called over to ask if an ambulance was needed. I said that Kay would need one as she had been hurt, and the bus driver radioed for one. London bus drivers get a lot of stick, but in emergencies I have found them to always do the right thing.

To clear the road for the bus and the rest of the traffic the Stig and I moved the three bikes off the road whilst the two pedestrians helped Kay to the pavement, as she couldn’t walk. The Stig gave Kay our names and numbers on a piee of paper in case she needed witnesses. Within a few minutes a paramedic had turned up in a car. He asked me what had happened and then set about examining Kay. As well as the ankle injury there was also some neck pain. Whilst she was being examined I asked Kay for the keys so I could secure her bike. She told me there was a lock in the top box and the Stig and I started looking around for the best place to put the bike where it was not blocking the pavement, and was less likely to get a ticket. After a few minutes of exploring where we could put the bike I looked round and the paramedic had gone, Kay had gone, and so had the perp. The pedestrian who had helped told me that Kay and the perp had been taken to hospital by the paramedic.

Hmm – I now have the keys for a rideable CBF600 with minor damage and no way of contacting the owner and no idea who she is! Fortunately for Kay the bike was fitted with engine protection. This was smashed out of shape but had saved the bike. There was no faring, engine or frame damage visible. There was some scraped mirrors and bar ends, and the most expensive looking damage was some damage to the Givi top box and scratches to the damaged exhaust. Then I noticed that there was a metal tag attached to this huge bunch of keys I had been handed. It had initials, a surname, a date of birth and a mobile number. Great – now all we needed to do was sort out a good place for the bike.

Just as we were running out of options the Police turned up. They were polite and efficient. Took some basic details from the Stig and I about what had happened and made sure they knew how to contact us if they needed to. They asked what had happed to Kay. We guessed she had gone to St Thomas’s as it is just round the corner. They suggested they take the keys after I had put a disc lock on the bike, and they also took a large camera bag that was in the top box that looked like it contained valuable equipment they didn’t want to leave in the box, and said they were going to find out where Kay had ended up. The Police’s view was that the bike should be left where it was, blocking a pavement, and that any ticket would be overturned on appeal! I handed over the keys, and only later realised I had handed over any means I had of contacting Kay to check she was OK.

The Stig and I went on to work, arriving much later than planned, but feeling we had done the right thing. Later in the day I had a meeting in Whitehall, very near Westminster Bridge. It was lunchtime and I thought, maybe I should walk over the bridge to St Thomas’s and check Kay was OK. I was worried she might not have got her keys and camera bag, and was a little concerned that she might not have been able to contact anyone and may need things doing for her.

I have not been to St Thomas’s since an unsuccessful job interview in 1978, so have little memory of the place. However, despite it being a physically unpleasant environment the staff were very good in helping me track down Kay with only her initials and surname that I remembered from the tag attached to the keys.

When I found her she was with her mother and sister. I was so glad she had not been alone. I know from my own experience in hospital following an accident that being there alone is the worst bit. With friends and family it is easy to forget your predicament, but with your own company things tend to tell!

Kay and her Mother were pleased to see me, and I was pleased to find out that she had not broken her ankle, only sprained it, and that whilst she had neck pain, she was going to be sent home soon. I checked the police had given her keys and her bag, made sure Kay knew she could contact the Stig and I should she need to, and went back to work.

I am glad the damage to the bike is not major, but is bound to run to hundreds of pounds to get the bike back as it was before the accident. I am very angry that Kay told me the perp disappeared and will not have to pay the cost of his stupidity.

For the record, (although I don’t really care) I did speak to him about what at happened whilst waiting for the paramedic. He said he had “looked through the bus” and not seen anything and did not remember having time to look round the bus to see if anything is coming. I pointed out that if Kay had been travelling fast he would not have ended up on top of the bike as the bike would have come to rest a hundred yards down the road. The fact that he, Kay and the bike ended up in one heap at the point of impact showed that Kay was moving slowly when he stepped out without looking.

We spoke about his injuries. He had torn his clothing (Kay was wearing full protective gear thankfully) and had a painful buttock and a grazed hand. It was easy not to show too much concern for him. He was lucky, many bikes ride past there at 30mph plus and he could easily have killed and been killed.

When the Stig and I got home we found a message of thanks from Kay on our answering machine. However, the law of karma does not seem to be working today. Having stopped and helped out a biker in distress, the Stig has some hand and wrist pain after trying to lift Kay’s bike single handed, and her electrics were playing up all the way home with no tail lights and no illumination of the instruments but now seem to be OK. That’s an Italian bike for you!

I am sure the Stig will be OK, and Kay is on the mend, but remember where this story started - Watch Out Watch Out – There’s a Pedestrian About!

Box Clever

What is it about box junctions? Why do people just not understand them? Certain tabloid newspapers seem to be trying to run a campaign against enforcement of box junctions. Apparently it is unfair that people who stop on them and block the movement of other traffic can be fined for being stupid.

Box junctions are not difficult to understand. You just don’t go there until you know you can get out the other side. The only exception is turning right when you can stop in the box if you are stopped from turning right by vehicles coming the other way, or because other vehicles are waiting to turn right. That is not permission for idiots to stop in the box because they are turning right and other vehicles block the exit from the junction. Yes – you lot outside Oval Tube Station – I am talking to you!

What does annoy me about box junctions is that often the combination of the box and the sequencing of lights can mean that one exit from the box is permanently blocked leading to no vehicles from one road being able to cross the junction at all. The solution is not to park in the box causing gridlock – instead use the form on TfL’s website in the Roads section to point out why the junction does not work. Keep on listing it as a road fault until the junction is redesigned. If they don’t – write to your councillor, MP, Uncle Ken etc. Actually, it is more fun complaining than it is sitting stationary in traffic!

My biggest problem with box junctions is that there are too few. For example, since the demolition work started on the south side of Westminster Bridge traffic regularly backs up past Lambeth North Tube with bendy buses often sitting across the junction blocking all traffic movement. Why is there no box junction there? There should be – it is an ideal place for one, one that should be properly enforced!

For they know not what they do!

I have been very busy at work recently and get very little time to do things like recording my thoughts. I spend most of my life recording what other people's thoughts should be!

However, the last few days I have been blessed with the sight of some bizarre driver behaviour. One of the joys of riding a bike in traffic is you get to look right into driver’s windows as you pass. In the weeks since I started this blog I have seen all of the following going on in vehicles that are moving – no stationary vehicles here - all activities were being carried out by the driver -

1. Talking on Mobile
2. Dialing on Mobile
3. Texting on Mobile

OK, no surprises there!

4. Lighting a cigarette
5. Eating
6. Drinking

Again – nothing too surprising.

7. Applying lipstick
8. Applying eye shadow
9. Applying mascara

OK – I suppose looking in the mirrors is good. It is probably the only time some of these women use them! But how about -

10. Applying lip balm with both hands at 40 mph! Yes. One hand holding a container, the other applying to the lips – no hands on the wheel at speed!

We don’t want our drivers to get bored, do we? So when crawling forward through traffic why not -

11. Complete a crossword
12. Solve Soduku
13. Read a newspaper
14. Solve a wordsearch
15. Read a trashy celebrity magazine
16. Read a novel
17. Play around with your Ipod

Now I want drivers to know where they are going – map reading is an underestimated skill. You can -

18. Read a map on your lap
19. Read a map on the passenger seat,

or my favourite method -

20. Pin your A to Z to the wheel with the heel of your right hand whilst you turn the pages with your left!

But best of them all was the driver who had a PDA stuck to the windscreen of his car as he drove at 10 MPH in queue approaching Westminster Bridge -

21. Playing a game!

Any others you have seen? Please let me know!

Tragedy!

This morning was a great ride in. The last two weeks traffic and weather seems to have got worse and wore, but this morning it was bright, but no sun in the eyes, it had been raining, but the roads were dry, the sun had not been up long, but visibility was great! Having whizzed in quicker than most mornings of late, I was looking forward to similar ride home.

Jackie and I left work at 5pm. We planned to get home, and then set out on public transport for an evening of wining and dining.

Before leaving I checked the TFL website for signs of hold ups on our route. Warnings and congestion are well displayed on their new graphic website. It has been in testing for months and have used it almost every day. However, for some reason, today they and the Police let themselves down badly!

On Tuesday in a horrific accident a crane fell near Battersea Dog's Home killing two people, the crane operator, and a man who was cleaning his car.

I arrived on that stretch of the road about 30 minutes after it happened and had a short hold up due to fire engines, ambulances and police vehicles blocking so much of the road the buses could not get past. Every evening since I have passed the wreck of the crane and it has not been pleasant seeing it silhouetted against the skyline.

Today, the crane was lifted. I confesses I was shocked to read that the man who was cleaning his car has been lying under the wreckage for three and a half days!

I knew the wreckage was being lifted today, and was glad for that, but the TFL website made no mention of the resulting traffic chaos they had planned for us.

On leaving the office Jackie and I had a good run from work to Vauxhall Cross, but once under the bridge it was obvious the traffic was at a standstill. The last time I saw anything like this was after the failed bombings in July last year when the Oval area was closed off and traffic crossing Vauxhall Bridge had nowhere to go. There were lots of cars, and they were going nowhere! I had lost Jackie as we turned left past Metropolis Motorcycles and as I was forced to go to the left round the gyratory system to get through I pulled over in the only safe space just before the turn off to Stockwell as I was going to suggest we headed that way instead. Unfortunately, the Stig did not see me, went straight past and back under the rail line towards Battersea. By this time I had a good idea why there was chaos, even if TFL didn't seem to know!

I was worried because if the road was closed at Battersea she probably would not know a suitable alternative route as she has been commuting only a few months and only knows one way to, and one way from work.

I had to proceed down the road to Stockwell a short way before I could turn across the central barrier. Then I had to fight my way through the traffic, including an altercation with a Royal Mail van driver who went through a red light so he could sit on a box junction! Eventually I got heading towards Battersea.

Back on the north side of the rail line there was a sign saying " Follow diversion" but there was no sign of what that diversion was or why. Further on there was also a sign saying "Battersea Bridge Road Closed" - now the road concerned is called Battersea Bridge Road - but it is also called Parry Street, Nine Elms Lane and York Road so unless you know the area, you might not understand that you were heading nowhere! There were loads of traffic wardens all standing on traffic islands at this complex junction, and all doing absolutely nothing to direct traffic! In all the information was rubbish!

I headed towards the area where the crane was because I guessed that the Stig would have done so and would probably find herself stranded with no clear directions as to ow to get home. I headed down the dual carriageway towards New Covent Garden and was soon pleased to see the Stig heading the other way, obviously having turned round when she found she could not get home that way. She saw me and I was able to cross the barrier at a gap and catch up with her before she got back to Vauxhall Cross.

Back at Vauxhall Cross things wre really bad with lots of stationary vehicles. I considered the options and decided to take the line of least resistance and head over Vauxhall Bridge despite long queues to get over, but we filtered our best! We then turned left and had to fight with loads of traffic going west on the north side of the river. Eventually we got to Albert Bridge, turned back across it and found very little traffic going that way. Once back in Battersea there was less traffic than I have ever seen, including on very quiet Sunday afternoons, going towards Wandsworth. Presumably it was still all jammed up back at Vauxhall!

In the end we got home after about 100 minutes, on a journey that normally takes about 45. We were exhausted. It was one of only three trips in three years of commuting that took more than an hour. It ruined our evening. Our plans to go out and eat were abandoned as we found ourselves wanting to just put our feet up, crack open the wine and order a pizza.

The collapsing crane and the deaths is a terrible tragedy, and it is horrific that someone had to lie there for days before their body could be recovered. It is even more horrific that his family knew that outside their home his body was still lying there. But damn you TFL! What excuse is there? This happened days ago so why was it that today there was poor information, no proper signs for the diversion and why was there absolute chaos this evening?

Guinness!

I started this blog when the weather made riding too hot, and too sweaty. Now the seasons are changing, and my working hours are extending. Tonight I got to ride home in the dark and the rain for the first time this winter. Dark and wet - I don't like it. But I never liked Guinness much either!

Commuter Survey

The London section of MAG are conducting a survey on commuting. If you commute in or around london you can complete the survey here -

MAG London Commuter Survey

I don't agree with all of MAG's policies but most of them make sense and are worth supporting.

SMIDSY?

Today The Stig and I were riding home across the front of St Thomas’s Hospital following a BMW C1 – you know, one of those strange bikes that has roof. The C1 was in front of us by about 100 feet, and The Stig was a little way behind me.

There is a small side turning across the road from the hospital, it leads to a car park I think, and cars often try pulling out of there when discretion would be the better part of valour. Today I noticed a grey sports car edging out from the left as we approached. I began to get concerned in good time and was slowing as the car was rolling forward and I could see the driver was looking to his left, preparing to turn right. At no time did he look to his right to see what was approaching along the lane he was about to cross. I soon spotted that his right hand was holding a mobile phone to his right ear, which is always a good sign of poor attention and poor vision to the side where the phone is held.

Just as the C1 got to him the car started to accelerate out of the turning. The driver saw him just in time and stopped, as did the C1. By the time I caught up with the C1 it was stationary across the front of the car and the rider was giving the driver a gob full. I pulled up behind him and also gave the driver a piece of my mind about mobile phone use, its effect on visual fields and the impact upon cognitive skills of attempting a phone conversation when driving! I may have also made one or two observations about the marital status of his parents and his solo sexual activities.

On the TV there are regular public information films about drivers looking but not seeing. This driver never at any point looked to his right. What he was doing was talking without thinking! I would like to see a TV campaign about mobile phone use by drivers. It is amazing how many cagers I see every day chatting away on their phones without a care for other road users. I am also sick of the number of times I have had to avoid pedestrians who think idle chat is more important than the Green Cross Code! Every day at least one steps out in front of me, oblivious to anything other than what their mate is saying on the other end.

In this case the car driver seemed to think that his phone conversation was more important than the road situation, even after the C1 and myself were sitting in front of his bonnet giving hi ma piece of our minds. Once the Stig caught up with us we all moved off, and the driver didn’t stop taking into his phone even once!

Sorry Mate, I Didn’t See You? Or was it Sorry Mate, I didn’t Care?